I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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