Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
