I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
