I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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