I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
