"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
