is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
