he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
