This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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