Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
