Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
someone get that fucking seahorse.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she smelled like a LAN party
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
