So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
