Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
