Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
