phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
