guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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