I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was born a porn star she said
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
