i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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