We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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