oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
