and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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