I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
