You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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