I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
