Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
