Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
