I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
