i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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