I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
