Ambien. No doubt about it.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
