the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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