lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
