Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
