I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm really busy with my period
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