I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
