so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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