normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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