i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
