There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
