I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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