Got a toothbrush?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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