Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
