Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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