a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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