Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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