fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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