this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
