Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
two words: eviction party
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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