He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize