1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
