Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
