I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
