So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
