I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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