im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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