Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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