Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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