She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
