I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
