why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
