NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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