wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
