Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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