its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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